August 2009 - Shelly

“God gave us a gift, the greatest so far. We call him Sohail, our shining star”

When I was asked to be Mom of the Month, I felt so honoured, and even more so when I found out it was by Westcoast Moms - an organization for which I have a lot of respect. Being recognized as Mom of anything is accomplishment enough. In a time of uncertainty as a new parent, it feels wonderful to be appreciated as a mother.

Like most new moms, I have a lot to learn and I do not presume to know it all, but I do know this - with a little creativity and a lot of hard work, coupled with perseverance and the love and support of family and friends, parenting does get easier.

My name is Shezadi Khushal (Shelly). After finding love late in life, I married my soul mate and we immediately had our first child.

I always knew that I wanted to have accomplished a few things before having a child…and God blessed me with the time and opportunity to do exactly that.

In my 32 years before marriage, I worked as a Law Clerk, an HR Consultant, and a Research & Policy Analyst. I travelled to numerous countries, completed my Masters Degree, won some prestigious awards, published a book, and had the honour of working as an Intern for the United Nations.

My pregnancy was an amazing experience. Like most moms-to-be, I was afraid of the unknown. Would I be a good mother? What do I know about taking care of a child? Sure, I spent time with my niece Sahar, but at the end of the day, I could give her back to her parents. But this was permanent. So many thoughts, fears and questions raced through my head.

I read books, subscribed to email newsletters, went to a ton of parenting seminars, workshops and baby shows around the city. I figured the more information I had, the better. What started off as ‘research’ quickly became fun. I started to enjoy the process, which in turn helped me to relax.

At the baby shows, I took part in games, answered questions and fully immersed myself into mommy-hood. And I believe that is the secret to having a happy healthy pregnancy - staying relaxed, doing fun things, and above all, laughing. I laughed so much during my pregnancy that my baby was born into this world through laughter. I will explain.

On August 22, after 30 hours of labour and 2 consecutive hours of pushing, I was exhausted. Just as I was ready to give up and succumb to a C-Section, my Obstetrician told me to ‘laugh the baby out’. It was my last chance. So my husband, who was by my side throughout my labour (and who frequently reminds me that he didn’t even leave my side to use the washroom) started telling jokes. Even the nurses were laughing. I laughed so hard that my baby came out. I literally laughed him into the world!

At 3:26am, our beautiful baby boy, Sohail, was born. The name Sohail is derived from Hindu and Arabic. It is the English name for Canopus, which is the second brightest star in the sky, and appears rarely.

What made the pregnancy that much more exciting was not knowing the sex of the baby. My husband said there were so few surprises in the world and that we should wait. I am glad we did.

We actually turned the agonizing waiting into a fun exercise - another way of having fun during pregnancy. We asked our closest friends to guess the baby’s gender and date of birth. We got an overwhelming number of responses. We even awarded the winner of the guessing game a prize.

It was also at this stage that I got heavily into scrapbooking. What is it about expectant mothers getting into stitching, sewing and scrapbooking? What started off as a traditional cutting and pasting scrapbook later led to high-tech digital scrapbooking. To date, I have created engagement, wedding and baby scrapbooks. It’s amazing how creative women become during pregnancy. Who knew?

In my search for more fun exercises, I wanted to do something for Sohail that he could remember for life. I created a “Time Capsule.” I asked our dearest friends and family to pick a number between 1-18, and to write a letter to Sohail corresponding with that year in his life. I wanted them to include advice as he entered that year, and also their relationship to me and my husband, and any funny, silly, or sentimental stories they had about us. My intention is for Sohail to open the letters from his Time Capsule every year on his birthday.
It’s these kinds of fun and creative things that make the whole process memorable.
I also think it’s important to socialize children early on so that they are comfortable in group settings. I took Sohail to his first class when he was only 5 weeks old. It is evident that this has paid off, as he is a very happy baby and comfortable around other babies as well as adults. But I do not take all the credit. There is a saying that it takes a village to raise a child. My village consists of family, friends, readings, classes and other moms’ advice.
There are two groups in particular that I must acknowledge, for it is because of the advice, support and guidance from its members that I stand with confidence today. The first is a small handful of ladies from my prenatal group from St. Paul’s Hospital and the other group is the wonderful women (or ‘mommies’ as I call them) from the Downtown Mom and Babes MeetUp group. Collectively, these women have inspired me and guided me. Through the meetings, potlucks, stroller walks, or just coffee breaks, I learned numerous parenting tips. I have come to realize that there is no one right way. Whatever works for your child is right! Each child is unique so parenting styles also need to reflect that. So, I thank these women for their advice, love and support.

We lead a very busy life - our calendar is packed. In addition to Mom-and-tot classes and local outings during the week, I frequently host play-dates at my home. It gives the babies an opportunity to interact with each other, and of course its gives us mommies the opportunity to exchange questions, ideas etc. That, coupled with scrapbooking, piano classes, writing for an online women’s health & wellness magazine, hosting weekend dinner parties and recently publishing my second book, pretty much takes up all of my time and energy. My husband’s schedule is equally busy - Engineer by day and MBA student in the evenings and weekends. With such hectic schedules, the two T’s are key: teamwork and time management!

My mother always said it is important to be well-rounded; to have a balance between academic and social life. She encouraged me to take part in everything that would not just benefit me in terms of results or marks, but would also bring me pleasure and happiness. I truly had a fun time growing up…And that is what I wish for my child, and for all children - the opportunity to be a kid, to enjoy life to the fullest, to play, to smile and most importantly, to laugh, laugh and laugh some more!

For information on how to get a copy of Shezadi’s books, visit www.ShezadiVallani.com or go to www.Amazon.ca / www.Amazon.com